Just when you thought he was healthy.

So I was watching the Bears-Packers game last night when Al and Chris started talking about how Brian Urlacher was finally completely healthy this year. And as soon as they said it, I was like: “He’s gonna get hurt.”

Not that I thought they put the hex on him or anything. I just figured a guy who gets hurt as much as Urlacher is bound to get hurt again.

Sure enough, Urlacher didn’t play the next half.  And today we learn that he’s out for the season.

Nice. Coulda at least made it through one game, dude.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to have a job where you make millions sitting on your ass like Urlacher will this year? Maybe I should have Al Michaels talk about me being healthy for the first time. Then I can get disability, which is basically 60 percent of crap.

On second thought, Al, nevermind.

Quarterback Jim Hart -- back when St. Louis was a two Cardinals city.

Okay, this post is for football fans in St. Louis.

Of course, I say St. Louis, but it could also be for football fans in Baltimore. Or Cleveland. Or Houston.

Anyway, St. Louis fans — I have a question for you: When your team moved to Phoenix, did you continue to root for the Cardinals?

I mean, it was the same team you rooted for the year before, right? Same players, same red birds on the helment, same under .500 record. They just played in a different city. So I assume, even though you might have been bitter about it, you continued to root for the Cardinals. (This, of course, presumes that there were any fans for what was a pretty sucky team.)

Now, for you young fans, let me clarify something: Yes, at one time, St. Louis did have two sports teams named the Cardinals. Now you can continue playing your Madden games or your Rock Band or whatever.

For the rest of you, this is my most important question: What happens when the old Cardinals (a.k.a., the Phoenix Cardinals) play the new Cardinals (a.k.a., the St. Louis Rams, formerly known as the Los Angeles Rams)?

I’m sure the same dilemna occurs when the Cleveland Browns play the old Cleveland Browns (The Baltimore Ravens), when the new Baltimore Colts (the Baltimore Ravens) play the old Baltimore Colts (the Indianapolis Colts), or the new Houston Oilers (Houston Texans) play the old (Tennessee Titans).

Can you fans help me out?

Operation "Injured Reserved" Has Commenced

Look, weather you believe in magic and hocus pocus or not there is no denying The Madden Curse.  After last night’s snoozer game, The Madden Curse is now officially the scariest thing in the history of the entire world and if I were Larry Fitzgerald I would be hiding like a doomed teenager in the Final Destination movies.  At this point the only thing left to do is use this curse to our benefit and demand that EA Sports put Osama bin Laden on the cover for 2010.  I can GUARANTEE that within minutes of the opening kickoff next season an unmanned drone will blast Osama out of whatever rock he is hiding under.  Look, apparently the US already engages in magical-World-of-Warcraft-style-warfare so why not take it to the next level?  Let’s make this happen already, Obama.

So get this: The last time I played Fantasy Football? We didn’t even use computers.

Not because we were trying to be all retro or anything. No. Most of us just didn’t have computers. Or we didn’t have the Internet.

My first pick in the 1992 Fantasy draft was pretty bold. I went with University of Michigan star Desmond Howard. I figured, you know, Howard was a pretty good receiver, right? And he was drafted by the Super Bowl-winning Redskins, led by Mark Rypien, who had completed almost 60 percent of his passes the previous season.

To me? That sounded like a pretty good pick. I was really proud of myself for snatching him up before anyone else.

Chumps.

What I didn’t expect was that a Heisman winner would wind up riding pine the entire season. I also didn’t figure on him getting just 60 yards receiving in 16 games.

So I started out a miserable 0-4, fast becoming a mockery of the league. And usually when I was mocked, there was mention of my #1 pick.

But I showed those guys. I made some smart moves, getting Andre Rison and a good young running back no one had heard of named Ricky Watters. And soon my team had won five straight, and I was like, “EAT IT, SUCKAS!”

Except then the league comish — this guy Jeff — told me I needed to pay my $100 entry fee, which was already ten weeks late. And, well, this was the FIRST recession caused by a Bush president, so times were hard, right? I didn’t have a lot of, whatchumacallit — disposable income. In fact, after getting fired from my shoe store job, I had no income.

So my team was repossessed.

Now whenever I hear someone talk about Fantasy Football, I’m like, “Screw Fantasy Football!” Then I think about that bum Desmond Howard. And then I think about that bum George H.W. Bush. Then I lower my head and cry a little because 17 years later, I’m still f*@ing broke.

"Yeah the Monday night crowd can get a little rowdy but Thursday night is usually pretty tame."

Hank: Are you ready?

BG: What’s that Hank?

Hank: I said ARE YOU READY?

BG: Ready for what Hank?

Hank: Blah blah blah blah blah gonna get it kick started blah blah blah blah blah!

So yes, friends–it’s that time again.  That time of the year when we all get together and cheer on our favorites while drinking PBR and eatin’ wings.  But enough about the US Open, let’s talk about THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE for a moment.  Wait, actually back to the Open for a moment–where do these Russian girls come from?  Like every other man who tells everybody he is 5′7″ when really the truth is somewhere south of there, I dream of bedding a six-foot woman so my children have a chance of having a normal life.  The closest I ever got was with TiAnn Asquena (sorry if your name is spelling wrong Ti) who was 5′10″ and I met her at a party on DP I think at Brian Six’ house?  Does that sound right?  It sounds right to me.  Anyway, it was weird.  I mean 5′10″ is pretty tall.  When we would walk around downtown I would walk on the sidewalk and I would make her walk in the gutter so at least we were at eye level then.  She was also a dancer and of course her Dance Team (are they called Teams?  Are they Troupes?  I really don’t know) step your game up performed at half-time at some random UCSB Basketball game.  Needless to say, I don’t date dancers.  Not because I think I am too good or not good enough for them but it’s just one of those rules I live by.  I’ve seen The Last Dance (I think) I know that there is some Dance Code where Dancers can only date other Dancers and I am many things but Tiny Dancer is not one of them.  So that didn’t work out.  Anyway, teenage Russians that all look like they were berthed from the same test tube…yeah, I can get on board with that.

But I digress.  I was writing about football because today, of course, is Monday and what I thought was the 14th and final week of Preseason Football Action (it’s faaaantastic) so I logged onto my compuserve account through my 1200 baud modem to see which two giant helmets would come flying towards each other and then explode.  But what the heck?    Could my Gateway computer be lying to me?  No game tonight?  The season starts on (20% less rowdy) Thursday?  I had to do a mental checklist and ask myself, am I really ready for some football?  Let’s run through the playbook:

Beer in fridge? One bud light, left here four weeks ago by either Jeff Greenfield or Scott Linklater so yes, that is a check.

Potato chips ready? Automatic check mark, don’t even ask ridiculous questions.

Two fantasy teams drafted? No.  I only have one but I have the next two days off and I am sure I will be able to take some Yahoo Public League down to freaking Chinatown with a quick and painless live draft.

Random Favorite Team to Root For This Year: As the semi-proud owner of Marques Colston and Pierre Thomas, I’m just one good excuse away from buying a New Orleans Saints hat.  Check.

So four-for-four on the check marks = I am 100% ready for the start of the season Mr. Williams Jr.  I’ll work on getting some more beers because just that one in there is sad.  If it helps my cause at all I do have two bottles of champagne in there.  Why?  No clue.

Thome will see few at-bats the rest of this season.

I was trying to find a photo of Jim Thome wearing a Dodgers uniform for this post, but I couldn’t find one. You know why? Because no one’s seen him wearing one yet.

Since he was traded to L.A. a week ago, Thome has only batted twice. (He’s 1-for-2.) Which, of course, begs the question: Why did the Dodgers trade for Thome?

At first, it seemed like a pretty great move. Imagine MannyRamirez and Jim Thome in the same lineup  — as was once the case when they were both with Cleveland. But then there was talk that Thome probably wouldn’t even play, aside from the occasional pinch hitting appearance. For a guy who still has some punch to his bat, it seemed like kind of a bad deal — particularly for a 39-year-old slugger hoping to get to 600 homeruns.

First of all, Thome doesn’t even play the field any more, making him a poor choice for a National League team. Secondly, at the position he most recently played — first base — the Dodgers have a decent hitter (and better fielder), James Loney. But Thome — with 23 homers and 74 RBI, not to mention 564 career bangers — is clearly a bigger threat at the plate. (Loney only has nine homers.)

So why waste Thome?

At the current pace, he’s probably going to get fewer than 20 at-bats the rest of this season. And I can’t imagine him getting much more chances during the National League playoffs.

But, should the Dodgers make it to the World Series, they will need a DH. So call it arrogance, but getting Thome seems to be a strategic move for the World Series.

It’s too bad, though. Because Thome — or Mr. Incredible, to some — probably could have finished the season with several more bombs, possibly bumping the #12 career home run leader into the top ten (He’s five dingers from Rafael Palmeiro and nine from Harmon Killebrew.) Now he’ll just ride pine until the World Series.

Of course, Thome approved the deal because, he said, he wanted a shot at winning a ring, which wasn’t going to happen with the White Sox. But my question is: Can you really be proud of a ring if you had little nothing to do with the team’s success?

Of course, his ex team, the Phillies, might just prevent him from getting that ring.

Somebody change the channel to Fuel TV.

Today is one of those days you’re supposed to be stoked to have HDTV … but if you live on the West Coast, you better get that stoke elsewhere.

Now I’m not going to Mike Gundy (more on him later) and go on some rant about an East Coast Bias in the media. I’m no conspiracy theorist, and I know it’s just a numbers game (more schools + more people = more coverage east of the Mississippi River).

But we did name this site WCBias.com for a reason – we enjoy West Coast Sports.

Which made Week 1’s afternoon college football television schedule brutal … and made me head to the beach rather than watch a bunch of hillbilly fans root on their farmboy football teams.

Here’s that great slate we had to pick from this afternoon:

NBC: Notre Dame-Nevada, at least the Fighting Irish are ranked this year.

ABC: Georgia-Oklahoma State, “I’m a man! I’m 40!” … and, oh yeah, you ruined that “kid’s” life by the way, Coach. The only thing worse than watching Gundy’s goofy ass on the sideline is listening to Matt Millen (nice work, 31-97) commentate about it. BRUTAL.

ESPN: Missouri and Illinois, I don’t even have anything clever to say about these two.

ESPN2: Western Michigan-Michigan, two unranked teams by the way. Didn’t Michigan lose to I-AA Appalachian State a couple years back? Why would we care about this on the West Coast ESPN?

While we’re all stoked ESPN’s late-night SportsCenter has moved to L.A., so we can at least pretend like there’s going to be some more West Coast coverage, when are they going to start splitting up their coverage and offering the West Coast what it really wants – West Coast games?

If not for Fox Sports Net showing USC’s throttling San Jose State, we’d be hosed on the West Coast.

Luckily those of us on the Left Side have this little thing called the Pacific Ocean to fall back on.  But more on that later, when we’ll be posting some more surf pics and video from today’s session. Stoked!

On the jump, check out ESPN’s 2009 College Football TV Schedule. Out of 150-plus games, only 26 – or one out of every six games – include a West Region team (and I’m including the ’Zonas, Boises, Hawaiis, Nevadas and Colorados in there). Surf better be good this fall.

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Lots of people make pre-season predictions. But you know what I say? I  say that’s too hard. Me, I prefer to make my predictions near the end of the season. That way my chances of being right are much greater.

So that’s why I come to you not with my NFL predictions (WAY too early for that) or even NBA picks (Are you serious? Who do you think I am — Jimmy the Greek!) but, rather, with my 2009 MLB predictions. Here we go:

Right now, everyone is salivating the prospect of a NY-LA World Series. It’s the classic East Coast-West Coast match-up. The one that gets all the TV ratings. And, really, I think there will be an East-West pairing. But it ain’t gonna be who you think.

Bear with me a sec.

First of all, yeah, the Yanks look good right now. In fact, they look real good. Jeter, A-Rod and the boys are killing the ball. In fact, it looks like the Yankees will wind up with eight guys having 20 or more home runs, which is helping them easily drub Boston.

Looks like the best thing George Steinbrenner did for these guys is to step away.

Forget the Tigers — they don’t stand a chance. So it comes down to New York and the Angels. And I like the Angels.

I can’t cite anything real specific — on paper, New York clearly looks better —  other than to say that I like Mike Scioscia.  And in a year when everyone is ga-ga  about the Dodgers, I can just sense the Angels quietly being the L.A. team that goes to the WS.

Which brings us to the National League. Again, everyone is on the Dodger bandwagon — with good reason: In short time, Joe Torre has done just what everyone thought he could. That whole Manny Ramirez suspension? Bah. big deal. Didn’t even miss him. But now that he’s back . . .

Every time the Giants or Rockies look like they’re going to make a run for it, the Dodgers kick it in and distance themselves.

The Cardinals are also looking good, led by Pujols at the plate and Carpenter at the mound. But while Matt Holliday was a good acquisition, they’re a little thin offensively once you remove the two big guys.

I like the Phillies. While they’re pitching is a bit weak, I see them scoring a LOT of runs in the playoffs. After all, the Phils will probably wind up with four guys hitting 30 or more bombers.

So I know it’s not the sexiest World Series, but I’m looking at the Angels v. the Phillies. And after beating the better American League teams, I think the Angels are going to be on a roll.

Prediction: Angels 4, Phils 2

So I’m wondering: Which quarterback will opposing fans jeer more — Brett Favre or Michael Vick?

Ok, so maybe it’s not that much of a mystery. As wishy-washy as Favre is — he makes Charlie Brown seem decisive — he doesn’t sit around thinking of innovative ways to snuff out dogs.  In fact, Favre seems like the kind of guy who’d take a dog with him on a fishing trip. (Go ahead — picture it.)

I’m just disappointed that Vick’s Eagles don’t play the Cleveland Browns. Because you can imagine the fun the Dawg Pound would have with V-Dog. Of course, this all has me wondering: Why did the Eagles sign Vick? I mean, seriously — don’t they already have a good QB?

Of course, in Philly, even the greatest players get booed (I remember them booing Mike Schmidt during a mini-slump!) so maybe it was a good place for Vick to make his disgraced return.  So it’s the away games that will be most harsh — as they should.

My suggestion: Fans should bring dog biscuits to the game and hurl them on the field when Vick steps on the field. Then, of course, everyone should bark as they blast “Who Let the Dogs out” over the sound system. Maybe that jackass Mitt Romney can lead the charge.

The Cubs looked lame against the Dodgers this year.

The good news for the Dodgers: They are comfortably in first place.

The bad: They won’t play the Cubs in the playoffs.

After losing consecutive series matches against Arizona and St. Louis, the Blue Crew was looking a little weak. Then came the Cubs, whom they embarassed during last year’s playoffs. This year, the Dodgers again made the Cubs look like the Flubs, holding them to 18 runs in eight games. If you exclude one 7-0 Cubs win, the Dodgers held the Cubs to a slim 1.5 runs per game this year. Despite those horrid offensive numbers, the Cubs still managed to win 3 of 8.

As the playoffs near, the competition is going to be much tighter. Right now Philly is looking tough. And I’m guessing they will score more than 1.5 runs per.