The Greatest Rivalry in Sports (Not Named NYY vs. BOS)

I grew up almost exactly halfway between San Francisco and Los Angeles, which means I could have conceivably been raised a Giants fan, had my father been less of a man. Luckily for myself and everyone else things turned out the way that they did and I cried tears of joy when Gibby hit his jack and booed Barry Bonds at every opportunity (except when he was on my fantasy team and when I was on the same flight coming back from Phoenix). The map to the right shows just how close that cut-off between NorCal and SoCal really is though, doesn't it? And why does the Giants area of influence look like Chile?

The Dodgers are getting ready to welcome big Brad Penny back into the mix tonight and hope his two month hiatus was enough to overcome his serious case of suck-itis. We'll also get to see the much anticipated Manny vs. Barry Zito match-up, which seems to be tilted slightly in favor of Manny at this point.

The Dodgers will miss Tiny Tim this trip (but will draw Matt Cain on Sunday afternoon) which means that despite playing the Giants repeatedly over these months they have tangled with Lincecum only once on the season (and that was back on April second). Weird, don't you think?

Dodgers v. Giants, An Exercise in Sarcasm

That's my buddy Zach over on the right. He is currently getting his PhD. in molecularbiowhateveritis so you would think he is smart but he is without a doubt one of God's saddest creatures, a San Francisco Giants fan. I called him the other day asking about parking at a venue in San Francisco (G Slim is going up to see Bloc Party at the Fillmore) but of course never heard back from him. During tonight's game though, my trusty old Samsung kept beeping away with text messages from our old friend Zach. The following is a blow by blow account of the game:

3rd Inning, Giants lead 2-0
Zach: Hey, Whatcha doing?
4th Inning, Giants lead 7-0
Zach: You uh, seen any ball games lately?
BG: Laugh while you can asshat. We have you right where we want you.

5th Inning, Dodgers explode for 5
Zach: F.
BG: That was 10% karma, 90% Kevin Correia remembering he is Kevin Correia.
Zach: Yeah but I'm pretty sure it was karma that reminded him.

6th Inning, Giants lead 7-5
Zach: You are in trouble now. Here comes our bullpen.
Andruw Jones singles in a run.
BG: He is so clutch. You just cannot pitch to Andruw when the game is on the line.
Zach: Exactly, never underestimate the heart of a champion.

7th Inning, Tyler Walker on the hill
BG: Does Tyler Walker frost his tips?
Zach: No. Met him at a bar once. Dude is almost albino. Nice work by JT getting tossed.

9th Inning, B. Wilson comes in to shut LA Down
Zach: THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT, THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT

No comeback for that one. Still one game back and stuck in Italics. Nice.

How the National League West will be won ... by the biggest loser

John Kruk made a bold statement on ESPN’s SportsCenter on Sunday:

“No team in the NL West will finish with a .500 record.”

OK, maybe that’s not such a daring prediction since every team in the NL Worst is below .500 at the All-Star break.
Arizona is flirting with .500 at 47-48, but everyone else in the division is straight up struggling with half the season in the books.
The second-place Dodgers are one-game above .500 at home but are three-games under overall, and the third-place Giants are (gulp) 15-games under on the season.
So when was the last time a team won its division with a losing record?
A long look through the record books shows it has never happened.
The San Diego Padres tried their best to make a run at the dubious record in 2005 but finished the regular season 82-80 to win the NL West pennant.
In 1994, the Texas Rangers were on track to finish well below .500 with a 52-62 record before the strike mercifully saved Major League Baseball from a major embarrassment (wait a minute).
Since the leagues split into multiple divisions in 1969, only one other “biggest loser” has made a run at a pennant. The New York Mets came close in 1973 but finished 82-79 to win the NL East, eventually taking the A’s to seven games before falling in the World Series.
So there is hope, even for sub-.500 teams at the All-Star break.
In fact, since MLB went to a six-division format and expanded the playoffs to allow wild-card entrants, 27 of the 104 teams that made postseason had losing records in June or later – including half the playoff participants the past two seasons.
That's great news for the "Biggest Loser" candidates in the NL Worst.

Dodgers-Giants Recap

The Dodgers managed to take 2 out of 3 from the Giants, falling to the mighty Barry Zero and then coming back today and jumping all over Matt Cain. Baseball makes no sense sometimes. Actually, most of the time. Few notes from the Dodger games:

• Batting Matt Kemp lead-off is effective: he reached 6 times (2 steals) and looks more selective at the plate.
• Saito is not a shut-down closer anymore.
• Hung Chih-Kuo is flat out dirty.
• Giant fans will take any excuse they can get to chant "BEAT LA".
• B Zito is not quite dead yet.
• Furcal is never, ever, ever going to play again.
• Nomar scares me at short.
• I'm not scared of the Padres, Rockies or Giants at this point and only like 61% scared of the D-Backs.
• 1/2-game back, baby.

NL WEST	W	L	PCT	GB	HOME	ROAD	RS	RA
Arizona	44	45	.494	-	27-19	17-26	393	390
LA Dodgers	43	45	.489	.5	22-20	21-25	365	356
San Francisco	39	50	.438	5	17-28	22-22	367	408
Colorado	37	52	.416	7	25-21	12-31	402	471
San Diego	35	54	.393	9	21-26	14-28	329	416

Bonds Ball HOF Bound after all

It appears Barry Bonds may have to boycott the Hall of Fame after all.
After initially refusing the Barry Bonds asterisk-branded 756th home run ball, the Hall of Fame has now accepted the donation from Ecko Unlimited founder and PR stuntman Marc Ecko.
Ecko bought the ball for $750,000 last September, wanting to brand the historic pearl with an asterisk in response to the allegations of Bonds’ steroids use.
Initially, the HOF was hesitant about accepting the ball.
“The owner's previous commitment to unconditionally donate the baseball has changed to a loan. As a result, the Hall of Fame will not be able to accept the baseball,” the Hall told The Associated Press early Tuesday.

That vague statement left us at WCBias.com scratching our heads. So we did some digging and came up with some reasons Cooperstown might not want Bonds’, make that Ecko’s ball in the Hall:

10. Bonds said he’d boycott the Hall of Fame if it accepted the ball, and the Hall doesn’t want a class act like Bonds on the outside looking in.
9. The crusty old men at the HOF think Ecko’s clothes are "too hippitty hop."
8. Innocent until proven guilty – a failed drug test, hundreds of media reports linking him to performance enhancers, Game of Shadows and the Mitchell Report aren’t nearly enough proof.
7. Who needs the ball when you have Bonds’ size 22 cap?
6. Ecko got flaxseed oil on his hands and dropped the ball in McCovey Cove.
5. The Hall was afraid Ecko might tag their hallowed walls worse than Air Force One.
4. The Hall is holding out for the real Bonds’ souvenir – the syringe.
3. Jane Forbes Clark, Chairperson of the Hall’s Board of Directors, is hoping to sign the free agent Bonds to the company’s co-ed softball team.
2. There isn’t enough room for a ball with that ginormous bronze bust of Bonds’ dome on the way.
1. Because of steroid use, the ball has since shriveled up into the size of a raisin and is now useless.

How do you have a job … John Kruk?

, I like John Kruk, but like Charles Barkley, it’s only a matter of time before he says something crazy on camera.
Like on Monday night during a one of the rain delays when ESPN had no other option but to show bonus coverage of the Giants-Nationals game.

Between innings, Kruk said San Francisco manager “Bruce Bochy deserves some consideration for Coach of the Year … because the Giants are what, seven-games under .500?”

Huh? Since when does seven-games under warrant anything but the hot seat?
Yeah, the Giants roster is putrid, but seven-games under isn’t exactly overachieving.
You’re better than that JK.

T-Shirt of the Week: Go to Hell Baseball

The Free Barry Campaign has already begun. ... One of Barry Bonds' long lost fans shows his support of the slugger Friday at the federal courthouse in San Francisco, where Bonds renewed his claims of innocence in pleading not guilty to 15 federal charges of lying to a grand jury about his performance-enhancing drugs. Bonds, who I was worried had gone missing there for a minute, goes to court in March ... possibly for a chance to play the next contestant on BG's "Name That Criminal."
AP Photo/Marcio Jose

Stop the presses! Barry Zero wins

Call it the WCBias karma, call it freaking luck, call it the sun even shines on a former Gaucho once in a blue moon.
Barry “Zero” Zito earned his first win of the season after eight straight losses, and a slump-busting blog entry by yours truly today, pitching the San Francisco Giants past the Florida Marlins 8-2.
Zito (1-8) allowed a run and three hits in six-plus innings innings.
It’s his first win since Sept. 30, 2007, when he beat the Dodgers in the season finale.
Even better, it’s his 12th win in 43 starts for the Giants. Let me see, that’s works out to be about $10.5 million a start. What a bargain those Barrys end up being for the Giants.

From Hero to Zero

We've heard of He Hate Me. But He Hate Z?

Even Giants fans are hatin’ on Barry Zero, I mean Zito, who last year signed the worst contract in the history of mankind and has yet to win a game for San Francisco this season.
Zito, who went to UCSB with our boy BG for a year before bouncing around to Pierce College and then USC, fell to 0-8 with a loss to the Chicago White Sox last weekend at AT&T Ballpark (pictured).

Zito, who won the Cy Young in 2002 if you can believe that, takes his “unblemished” record and 6.25 ERA to NL East-leading Florida tonight.

The former Gaucho is trying to become the first Big League pitcher in five years to start the year with nine consecutive losses. Detroit’s Mike Maroth was horrid enough to bang the Naughty Nine in 2003.

As it stands right now, Zito is the first Giants pitcher to open a season 0-8 since Jesse Burkett in 1890. That’s some exclusive company. Who says Zito isn’t worth $126 million?

Giants Fall 60 Games Out of First, Hire Hillary Clinton As Special Advisor

In a stunning move, Brian Sabean and the Giants have hired long shot presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton as a Special Advisor to the team. Following up on Sabean's outrageous claims last week that the Giants can compete and win this year, Sabean stated at his hastily assembled press conference, "We here in San Francisco have a long history of self-delusion and abject stubbornness. We stood by our Joe Nathan and Franky Liariano trade for Pierzynski. We stood by and watched as Barry's head grew until he resembled Mr. Potato Head and swore that nothing strange was going on. We feel Hillary Clinton's complete lack of touch with reality will fit in perfectly with our clubhouse makeup and we look forward to seeing what she will bring to the table."

On a conference call from Nova Scotia, where Clinton is campaigning in an effort to have it annexed to the US so they can seat one-half of a Super Delegate, Clinton announced her support for Sabean's overall plan for rebuilding the Giants. "Just like [Sabean], I have a very strong commitment to refusing to admit mistakes and doing irrevocable harm to something I supposedly support. I am proud to be a member of this storied franchise and, God willing, vow to solemnly run it directly into the ground."

It was unclear what Clinton's exact role with the team would be or when she would begin her tenure but Clinton hinted that she would likely join the team after she has eventually given up on her hopeless quest of the presidency, so likely by mid-2011. She also alluded to possibly using her husband, former President Bill Clinton as a hitting coach. "Can't be any worse than whoever they have in there at the moment," Clinton was quoted as saying.

They’re called fanatics for a reason

Meet Mr. and Mrs. Pinhead, taking in Sunday’s game at San Francisco's AT&T Ballpark. I guess when you're a Giants fans, you collect pins instead of wins. Add your caption in the comments section below.

Life after Barry Bonds sucks

Visiting AT&T Ballpark on Sunday for the first time this season, it became obvious the San Francisco Giants missed Barry Bonds before I even stepped foot in the stadium. Here are a few snapshots about what I'm talking about (photos by BSlim):

Without Barry: McCovey Cove was a ghost town.

With Barry: McCovey Cove was a fire hazard.Without Barry: Look at all the empty green seats and that out-of-place No. 40 in left field.

With Barry: Butts were in the seats. So what if those asses were bruised from steroid injections.

Without Barry: The left fielder is Dan Ortmeier, who has yet to hit a home run this season and tripped over the bullpen mound (which hasn't moved in years) and took the header that allowed the White Sox to turn a 6-6 game into a 9-6 laugher on Sunday.

With Barry: No hustle in left field, which means that ball would’ve fallen in for an easy single. Barry would’ve walked over, picked it up, lobbed it to the cutoff man and kept at least one of the runners on – and kept Ortmeier from making a fool out of himself.

I’ve looked everywhere for the video of Ortmeier’s face plant, but haven’t been able to find it. If you find the clip, or a photo, send me the link. I’m guessing nobody’s posted it because nobody watched the game. Even the fans at the ballpark were more interested in the final minutes of Game 7 of the Celtics-Cavs series than the Giants game, which was tied 6-6 and about to be decided on Ortmeier's gaff when a majority of the fans at AT&T were huddled around the TVs at the sportsbars.

But I guess you’ll have to take my word on it, because Barry wasn’t there and nobody seemed to care.

Giant letdown still fun for lil' one

Well, my daughter’s first baseball game wasn’t a bust after all.
Sure, it started sloooow, but San Francisco Giants starter Matt Cain did take a no-hitter into the fifth. Problem was, nobody noticed – not even the sportswriter in the fam – because it was, well, Matt Cain.
Then Matt Cain became Matt Cain again and the Giants came crashing back to reality as three White Sox in a span of seven hitters went yard at windy AT&T Ballpark, where the hometown boys were swept away with a 13-8 Chicago victory.
Yep, after four-plus innings of no-hit ball, Cain gave up four bombs over the next three – including TWO to ORLANDO CABRERA (double his season total coming in).
In all, there were five homers to the left-field bleachers, but little Payton failed to come up with a souvenier. Then again, either did her dad, who was in line waiting for a $10 beer for four of the five longballs.
So that’s that. Payton’s 1 and she’s already taken in a ballgame from the cheap seats (and the 21 runs on 25 hits gave her plenty to cheer for). I didn’t watch my first game until I was 11, so she’s got that going for her – even if it was the lowly Giants, who have now lost five straight and haven’t won a series this month.
Now that their wonderful 10-game homestand has come to a close, they’re off on an 11-day trip through Colorado, Florida and Arizona. And Kevin Correia is going on the DL.
Brutal, brutal, brutal.
And there are still plenty of lowlights remaining from our weekend in SanFran, so stay tuned.

To be or not to be at AT&T

My wife, daughter and I are headed up to the Bay Area this weekend for her 30th birthday with plans to take in all the usual tourist attractions: Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz Island and Fisherman’s Wharf with a few cable-car rides mixed in between.
AT&T Ballpark, however, is on the bubble at this point.

Five reasons we won't visit AT&T this weekend:
1. No Barry Bonds (and without him, the Giants had ONE .300 hitter in the lineup tonight).
2. No Kevin Correia. Yeah, you’ve never heard of ’em, but I went to college with the Giants right-hander who is out with a side injury and won’t be taking his very deceiving 1-3 record and 4.50 ERA to the hill.
3. Interleague play. It was old 10 years ago, and Chicago White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski has been on my nerves even longer.
4. ONE “Splash Hit” this season.
5. It’s May 16 and the Giants are already 8.5 back.

Five reasons we might just (gulp) visit AT&T:
1. No Barry Bonds.
2. Interleague play. Sure the players suck and play for losing teams, but when will San Francisco ever get a chance to watch Ozzie Guillen go bonkers, punch out an umpire, jump into McCovey Cove and swim to Alcatraz for some mother-bleeping solidarity?
3. Masanori Murakami Bobblehead Night.
4. Six-pack of tickets will only set you back $75. I paid that for a single standing-room only seat last summer.
5. I heard the fishing out at McCovey Cove is on fire now that it hasn’t seen a boat or a baseball in months.

MISSING: Barry Lamar Bonds

Where in the world is Barry Bonds?
I’ve searched everywhere – the San Francisco Giants roster, the Oakland Athletics roster, even the DH-less Toronto Blue Jays roster. I Googled him, MySpaced him, even scoured his journal at BarryBonds.com.
Major League Baseball’s home run king is nowhere to be found.
The Sultan of the Steroids Era hasn’t updated his journal since Feb. 28, so nobody’s quite sure where the seven-time MVP is.
In his last post on BarryBonds.com, he admits he’s “been getting a lot of emails asking what I’ve been up to this past off-season. This winter has been the first time in my career that I’ve had the chance to take time for myself and really enjoy the time off. While at home with my family I have been able to work out of my office concentrating on my various companies, attending meetings as well as making a few business trips.
“I continue to work out and feel in great shape. Thank you again for your continued support for me and my family; it truly helps keep me strong.”
Not strong enough to make a Major League roster, which is sad considering Frank Thomas was just banished from Toronto and – after Wednesday’s 0-for-4 performance – is hitting .181 for the Oakland Athletics, the one team said to be considering Bonds in the offseason when the now-cursed Giants let him go.
Despite ridding themselves of the Big Hurt, the Jays say they want nothing to do with Bonds, which could put the nail in the coffin that is his Hall of Fame Shame career.
He even told his bat boy to put those maple sticks he loves so much in storage, adding, “I don’t know if I’ll need them.”
That’s how bad it’s become for Bonds, who still managed to hit .276 with a .480 on-base percentage and 28 homers for the Giants last season. But the home run king would be such a PR nightmare, there isn’t even an AL team interested in his services as a DH any more.
All of which means we’re probably more likely to see Barry Lamar Bonds on a milk box rather than in a batter's box this season.

Have you seen this man? Bonds illustration by BSlim.

Hey Barry, on a scale of 1-10, how terrible is your contract?

Today we are going to make like the rest of the National League and beat up on The Human Pinata, Barry Zito. After six stomach-churning starts which prompted Jason Stark's "What's the Worst Contract of All Time" chat over at ESPN, the Giants have moved Zito and his $126 million dollar contract to the bullpen in an effort to…well, I’m not sure what they want to accomplish exactly, but one way or another he’s going to be pitching in mop-up duty for a while.

While Zito has been an easy target of late (both in the blogosphere and at the dish), it’s not exactly fair to throw all of the blame in his direction. It certainly does take two to tango and Zito’s dance partner and Giant’s GM Brian Sabean deserves a nice steaming pile of poop via FedEx courtesy of Giant fans everywhere. Zito’s numbers have taken a slide ever since his Cy Young 2003 season (VORP from 2005-2007: 41.1, 49.9, 24.7) a regression apparent to everyone (scouts, other GMs, fans, broadcasters, and even my dead grandpa) except apparently the Giants' brain trust. Why Sabean offered nearly $70 million more than the Mets were willing to for Zito’s rights is between him and his priest. As a Dodger fan, Sabean’s abject mismanagement of the post-Bonds era should bring a smug smile to my face but seeing as how LA has plunked down nearly $80 million for a pair of center fielders with a combined OBP of about .300, I’m going sit quietly inside of my glass house. For you long-suffering Giants fans out there, please remove the brown paper bags from over your heads and bask in this five-man rotation that could be had for the price of one Barry Zito (ground rules--all contracts must be for a minimum of 4 years and extend through at least the 2009 season):

1: James Shields--4 year deal through 2011, $2.8M per season
2: Cliff Lee--4 year deal through 2009, $3.75M per season
3: Fausto Carmona--4 year deal through 2011, $3.75 per
4: Adam Wainwright--4 year deal through 2011, 3.75 per
5: Jeff Francis--4 years through 2010, 3.3 per

That gagging sound you hear in the background is city of San Francisco collectively throwing up on their iMacs.