The Ordeal of Manny’s Many Faces

Remember the old comic book character Man-E-Faces? That split personality remind you of any other blue, super-hero-like characters by the same name?

So Manny Ramirez is set to return Friday after his suspension for using female fertility drugs – they don’t allow that kind of stuff in California any more.

It’ll be interesting to see what kind or reception he gets around the Majors, from opposing players, fans, media, etc. But that’s not what I’m most interested in watching, because, well, we’ve been through with dozens of players who used performance enhancers and will see it probably a hundred other times in our lives.

I’ve said it before and will say it again, until they rid the game of HGH, and at least test for it, you can’t point the finger at just Manny – because I guarantee a majority of the players in the major American sports are on the stuff. Manny just happened to get caught with his pants down, using a female fertility drug to counteract what the PEs do.

I mean, who doesn’t want to get their female fertility on anyway? Heck, my wife’s probably on the stuff, pregnant again despite the fact we have a two-year-old running the house like she’s a She-Ra The Princess of Power or something.

Speaking of He-Man/comic-book spinoffs, it’ll be interesting to see which of the Manny Faces shows up this weekend.

Like the old He-Man friend/foe and comic book character Man-E-Faces (of The Ordeal of Man-E Faces fame), whose head switches from robot, to human, to monster without notice, Manny has been known for his split personality over the years.

1. There’s Happy-Go-Lucky Manny, who led the Red Sox to their first World Series in a trillion years, took the damn Dodgers to the postseason last year, and was mashing this season before the fertility Gods struck down on him.
2. There’s Disgruntled, I Hate Boston Manny, who refused to run out fly balls or hustle in the outfield in his final weeks with the Red Sox.
3. There’s Fertility Manny, worried about the size of his boys instead of his boys … in … umm … Blue?
4. There’s Disappearing Manny, who, when suspended, disappeared and was nowhere to be found much of the time.
5. There’s also Albuquerque Isadope Manny (3 for 10, HR, 2 runs during Manny being Minor week), farming it out with everyone from the Rhode Island ‘Roid Ragers and the Idaho Injectors, to the Delaware Dingleberries.

The Dodgers, who have been one of the NL’s best teams this season, are hoping for No. 1, obviously, not that Manny The Dodger Dingleberry doesn’t have a nice ring to it.

Could you imagine how good this team would be if Manny were to pick off where he left off?

But is that even possible?

Users like A-Roid (now known as MIA-Rod), HG(iambi)H and What Would J.C. Romero Do? (I don’t know, maybe beat up a fan?) all struggled in their return after it was leaked that they had taken PEs.

There are just too many questions, too many hecklers, too much drama that surrounds the return to the field. But, if anyone could shrug that stuff off, you know Manny could.

His, Manny Being Manny attitude and ability to remain oblivious to the outside world could just work to his and the Dodgers’ benefit this season.

I guess we’ll find out which of the Mannys we’ll be faced with starting Friday in San Diego … Next T-shirt coming to a WCBias near you? FREE JUAN PIERRE!