Thanks But No Thanks

The Hottest Ticket in Town

Oh, ESPN —could I please go to the ESPYs?  And only $500 for a VIP pass?  Shoot, I’ll take two.  Wait no, make that a dozen.  I’m sure these will be selling like freaking HOTCAKES on craig’s list by the end of the month.  Seeing as how I’ve been a valued Insider for the past five years and never received an e-vite before I’m forced to assume you’re having a harder time filling the ol’ Nokia Theater this time around and I’d be tempted to attend if it was, you know, free.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I have anything against host Sam Jackson and it’s not like I have anything better to do but I’ll have to respectfully pass on this one.  Catch you next year.