If these predictions are wrong then I don’t wanna be right

Don't Hate the Player Hate the Game But You Can Hate the Player Too

OMG, there are like, SO many baseball projections out there, you know? What makes one better than the other? Why should I believe Buster Olney when he says that the Giants are “the team to beat [in the NL West]” and how do both Karl Ravech and Matt Berry keep from laughing out loud when he says that? What does Busta Bust know that I don’t? The answer my friends, is zero. I know more than everybody else does about pretty much every single subject in the entire universe but also baseball because I am gay for baseball. I wish Prop 8 allowed for a man to marry a baseball because I would be petitioning my ass off for that thing. Where is Harvey Milk when you really need him? So here are my projections which are guaranteed to be 100% accurate or your money back.

NL West:

1) LA 2) AZ 3) SF 4) COL 5) SD

Look I love the Giants rotation, I really do. I love Timmy, I love Matt Cain and nobody wanted to get Randy Johnson in their fantasy league more than I did (except for J, apparently) but not this year. Maybe when they’ve got a full year of Buster Posey and a full year of Bumgarner, then we can talk. Until then, you’re behind the Dodgers and the hated Snakes. Actually, Buster I was too hard on your earlier. I start every single day with your blog and I am a better man for it. But don’t you come around here with that Giants winning the pennant BS.

NL Central:

1) Cubs 2) Cincinnati 3) Milwaukee 4) St. Louis 5) Houston 6) Pittsburgh

The Reds have some sick young players, Son. Put big years in the books for J. Bruce, Votto and Volquez but no team can add payroll here to address a problem except for the Cubbies, parent company struggles or no. I don’t like them adding Milton Bradley and acting like that’s the move that’s going to put them over the top (especiallywhen they have morphed Kerry Wood into Kevin Gregg) but they’re the best team in the division.

NL East:

1) Mets 2) Phils 3) ATL 4) FLA 5) WSH

The Phils didn’t get any better and the Mets addressed their bullpen…if that doesn’t put them over the top then nothing will. You could easily talk me into the Fish or the Nattys over the Braves too. Give Washington another two years and you might actually have something there…Dukes, Millidge, Zimmerman, Dunn and Guzman? That’s not that bad, add in Strausberg and the other Zimmermman and you’ve got a legit 1-2 punch at the top of the rotation. That’s legit, yo.

AL West: short answer–WHO CARES ABOUT THIS CRAPPY DIVISION?

1) Angels 2) A’s 3) Tex 4) M’s

AL Central:

1) Indians 2) White Sox 3) Royals 4) Twins 5) Tigers

Love me some Cleveland Indians this year. Also loved them last year. And the year before that…

AL East:

1) Red Sox 2) Yanks 3) Rays 4) Orioles 5) Jays

I really, really want Tampa Bay to repeat here but aren’t we due for some regression to the mean? The addition of Pat the Bat as a full-time DH is nice, I think Crawford will be better this year, a full year of Evan Almighty and David Price Unleashed at the All-Star break all sounds amazing but sequels are harder to pull off.

And that’s the way we see it here at the Bias. Oh, you want me to do Playoffs and everything too? Who do you think you’re talking to?

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