Phil Knight, WTF?

Dear Nike,

I'm sure you are already aware but there has been a RASH OF ANKLE INJURIES to your athletes so far in the 2008-2009 NBA season which is severely hampering my fantasy basketball team. So far this year alone I have been decimated by high ankle sprains to Deron Williams and Tony Parker, not to mention my poor league mate who is languishing with The Kevins (Durant and Martin) riding the pine for the foreseeable future (again, saying nothing of my friend Baldo who has to go to war without Josh Smith!).

As the preeminent force in basketball shoes you must already be aware that the game is actually hard on the athletes' feet and I'm sure you must have some sort of radical technology that prevents these untimely and unfortunate injuries, therefore I can only conclude that somehow your competition (i.e. Reebok or Adidas or even those bastards at Converse) has broken into your warehouses and somehow sabotaged your goods. Please, for the good of fantasy owners everywhere please install some security cameras in your production facilities and increase the vigilance in your QA department. We are all relying on you to provide the best footwear possible so we can avoid being the laughingstock of the league, which as everybody knows is JR Becko's permanent residence. Please, Nike, I'm begging you. Don't let Reebok get away with these Tonya Harding-esque tactics. We all deserve better.

Brian Greenaway