Dead and Burried

According to Dos Equis’ “Most Interesting Man in the World” it’s never too early to start thinking about your obituary. With that in mind, I’m going to write about the demise of the 2008 Dodgers, even though it’s only mid-June.

After being swept by the Tigers and dropping their last 5 straight, the woeful Dodgers have fallen 5.5 behind the stunningly mediocre Diamondbacks and look absolutely dead in the water. There’s no real mystery to the team’s struggles either—they’re currently 22nd in the league in runs per game and 25th in defensive efficiency. Russell Martin, the only Dodger playing worth a damn, is surrounded by a few guys who are essentially league-average players (Loney and the Beefcake) and a bunch of stiffs. The prolonged absence of Furcal has crippled the Dodger “attack” and exposed us all to the offensive black hole combo of Berroa and Hu. Furcal, who has been out for more than a month (and figures to not play until after the ASB) is TIED for the team lead in runs scored (with Martin) with 34. Take a second and wrap you brain around that.

From a pitching standpoint, Brad Penny has flat out sucked this season. No other way to put that. Scot Proctor has also been a silent killer, matching Penny’s negative value on the mound. What is sickening is that the Dodgers’ best pitcher has been reliever Hong-Chih Kuo, who Torre seems inclined to use only in mop-up duty and blowouts. Meanwhile in a tight ballgame he has no qualms about ushering in Proctor who is currently sporting hideous numbers out of the bullpen. Does Torre have these stats on hand? Who is his computer tutor, John McCain?
So what to do? I’ll tell you what not to do: trade Kemp. The Dodgers aren’t winning this year so don’t get rid of a guy for a half-season rental of Jason Bay or Adam Dunn, they’re not making a difference and besides, is ANOTHER outfielder really the answer? Haven’t we been down this road before? Play LaRoche at third (or even second if/when Kent needs a day off) and prepare for 2009.