MISSING: Barry Lamar Bonds

Where in the world is Barry Bonds?
I’ve searched everywhere – the San Francisco Giants roster, the Oakland Athletics roster, even the DH-less Toronto Blue Jays roster. I Googled him, MySpaced him, even scoured his journal at BarryBonds.com.
Major League Baseball’s home run king is nowhere to be found.
The Sultan of the Steroids Era hasn’t updated his journal since Feb. 28, so nobody’s quite sure where the seven-time MVP is.
In his last post on BarryBonds.com, he admits he’s “been getting a lot of emails asking what I’ve been up to this past off-season. This winter has been the first time in my career that I’ve had the chance to take time for myself and really enjoy the time off. While at home with my family I have been able to work out of my office concentrating on my various companies, attending meetings as well as making a few business trips.
“I continue to work out and feel in great shape. Thank you again for your continued support for me and my family; it truly helps keep me strong.”
Not strong enough to make a Major League roster, which is sad considering Frank Thomas was just banished from Toronto and – after Wednesday’s 0-for-4 performance – is hitting .181 for the Oakland Athletics, the one team said to be considering Bonds in the offseason when the now-cursed Giants let him go.
Despite ridding themselves of the Big Hurt, the Jays say they want nothing to do with Bonds, which could put the nail in the coffin that is his Hall of Fame Shame career.
He even told his bat boy to put those maple sticks he loves so much in storage, adding, “I don’t know if I’ll need them.”
That’s how bad it’s become for Bonds, who still managed to hit .276 with a .480 on-base percentage and 28 homers for the Giants last season. But the home run king would be such a PR nightmare, there isn’t even an AL team interested in his services as a DH any more.
All of which means we’re probably more likely to see Barry Lamar Bonds on a milk box rather than in a batter's box this season.

Have you seen this man? Bonds illustration by BSlim.