Al Gore Announces Telethon to Save Environment & Andruw Jones’ Career

Former Vice-President and current eco-warrior Al Gore has announced he will be co-hosting a multi-national telethon designed to raise awareness of global warming, carbon dioxide emissions, pollution and Andruw Jones awful batting skills. “We see these four things as being the greatest threats to civilization as we currently know it,” Gore said in a press conference from Antarctica. “We truly are one global village, coal burned in China will bring floods to Florida, plastic bottles thrown into a stream in Oregon will choke migratory sea birds off the coast of Venezuela, runners left stranded at second base when Andruw Jones waves at another breaking ball away will never come in to score. I can’t stress how important these issues we’re facing are.” When asked which of the catastrophes are the most dangerous, Gore answered, “Global climate change and Andruw Jones are really 1A and 1B right now. Great strides have been taken to promote clean nuclear power in developing countries, lessening the need to burn fossil fuels and hybrid cars are the number one selling model of car since 2006 so real steps towards change are happening. However, Andruw Jones is still an absolute joke at the plate. We have our work cut out for us and it’s not going to be easy.”

During the telethon Gore hopes to raise $18,000,000,000; $17,999,999,971 of which will go towards developing technology which will turn dirt into clean drinking water and the other $29 will go towards the purchase of a Tom Emanski Hitting Skills Video for Andruw Jones. To pledge your support to both the Earth and Andruw Jones, please visit Gore’s website and click on the “Save the World/Andruw Jones” button.