What about Home Court Advantage Ben?

Can somebody please tell me what is going on in the NBA right now? In the second round alone, the home team is 20 and 1. Is that even statistically possible when you consider that a basketball hoop is still 10 feet high no matter where you play? Seriously, what gives? In the series between the defending champion Spurs and the young and exciting New Orleans Hornets, the home team has won by an average margin of18 points per game. Think about that for a second. One day, the Hornets are just drilling San Antonio, making them look old and ready for retirement. However, switch gyms and the Spurs are making the Hornets look young and inexperienced. In a span of only 2 days, how can one team go from winning by 22 points and then losing by 19 with the only difference being the location of the game? I have heard all the explanations: the rims are different, the shooting backdrops are different, God likes home teams more, the refs are paid to fix games, its psychological, players like to sleep in their own bed, etc etc. Who really knows what it is but the home court advantage phenomenon is definitely alive and kicking. Even I have never lost a one-on-one game in my backyard (yes, the same backyard court I used to posterize my parents when i was younger, see: White Guys Love Assists). So it got me to thinking, does this home court advantage work in other areas of life besides sports?

Getting chicks: No, I had to fly half way around the world to get a gosh damn lady friend.
Having money: Um, not exactly, I'm one day shy of 29 and I'm back in school trying to get a Master's degree in Kinesiology because I'm so unemployable.

Wait, what other areas of life are there besides sports, girls, and trying to make a buck or two? I guess religion but based on the amount of missionaries my church sends out each month I'm guessing even they do better away from home. So really the home court advantage only applies to sports but considering sports is 25% of the pie and I spend nearly 90% of my time on that piece of pie, I think Ben Franklin misspoke when he said, "the only things certain in life are death and taxes." What about the home court advantage Ben?

Despite Dodgers' Claims He's Not Quite Ready, Clayton Kershaw Changes Name to "Sliced Bread"

All kinds of Sliced Bread updates today courtesy of both Rob Neyer (Insider only) and a fascinating glimpse from Hardball Times. The Dodgers have opted NOT to bring Kershaw up to start on the 17th as was suggested earlier this week and are instead going to give Chang-Who the nod instead. Neyer seems to think the club is better suited having him continue to pitch in AA and maybe make a start or two in Las Vegas before calling him up (if even then) and I will default to his wisdom there.
Of note from Neyer:

"I don't know that Kershaw needs an entire season in AA, and nearly half a season in AAA. He seems to be a notch or two above Billingsley. But I don't believe it's in anyone's long-term interest for Kershaw to join the major-league rotation now, or any time within the next two or three months.
--SNIP--
Yes, it's difficult to play in the big leagues. Andruw Jones is living proof of that. But it's pretty clear that Kershaw's talented enough to survive in the majors, and perhaps even thrive, right now. We know he's got the pitches. And the performance? Thanks to lousy support, Kershaw hasn't won a game this spring; he's 0-3. But in 37 innings he's struck out 40 batters, walked 11, and hasn't given up even one home run. Last season Kershaw's control was a small concern, and his BB/9 ratio still isn't the best you'll see. Still, he's clear that he has little left to learn in the Southern League."

And from Hardball Times (seriously go to the website for an in-depth analysis of his mechanics and stuff):

"After running through Kershaw's mechanics, injury risk, overall stuff and numbers, we can now answer the question: Is Clayton Kershaw worth the hype? The answer is yes...for the most part. Kershaw has a couple of red flags, but pitchers who seem to have a good head on their shoulders, have an athletic build, possess two pitches that rate as plus to plus-plus and display clean mechanics are of a rare breed.

Health may be the only thing that could keep Kershaw from becoming a front line starter. Just how good Kershaw could become likely depends on the improvements he makes with his change-up and his command. If everything goes right, Kershaw could blossom into one of the five best starters in baseball."

So Dodger fans are going to have to wait and Yahoo! fantasy managers are going to have to keep going to the Player Pool typing his name in, in hopes he'll be added soon.

The Shot Heard 'Round the Internet

Shoot, I didn't believe it at first either.

LA Dodgers Inning Summary

- A. Jones homered to deep left

- A. Ethier grounded out to third

- J. Kent homered to deep left

- J. Loney tripled to deep left

- R. Martin singled to left, J. Loney scored

To be or not to be at AT&T

My wife, daughter and I are headed up to the Bay Area this weekend for her 30th birthday with plans to take in all the usual tourist attractions: Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz Island and Fisherman’s Wharf with a few cable-car rides mixed in between.
AT&T Ballpark, however, is on the bubble at this point.

Five reasons we won't visit AT&T this weekend:
1. No Barry Bonds (and without him, the Giants had ONE .300 hitter in the lineup tonight).
2. No Kevin Correia. Yeah, you’ve never heard of ’em, but I went to college with the Giants right-hander who is out with a side injury and won’t be taking his very deceiving 1-3 record and 4.50 ERA to the hill.
3. Interleague play. It was old 10 years ago, and Chicago White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski has been on my nerves even longer.
4. ONE “Splash Hit” this season.
5. It’s May 16 and the Giants are already 8.5 back.

Five reasons we might just (gulp) visit AT&T:
1. No Barry Bonds.
2. Interleague play. Sure the players suck and play for losing teams, but when will San Francisco ever get a chance to watch Ozzie Guillen go bonkers, punch out an umpire, jump into McCovey Cove and swim to Alcatraz for some mother-bleeping solidarity?
3. Masanori Murakami Bobblehead Night.
4. Six-pack of tickets will only set you back $75. I paid that for a single standing-room only seat last summer.
5. I heard the fishing out at McCovey Cove is on fire now that it hasn’t seen a boat or a baseball in months.

Dodgers Lose 5 Straight, Can't Think of Funny Headline

As long as The Closer Formerly Known As Eric Gagne is taking the hill in the 9th, you know you always have a chance (video shot by myself when me and G Slim visited Fenway last summer, that's EG getting drilled and rushing back to cover home). Sadly, Gagne and the Brewers were able to pitch out of a self-induced dicey situation to record the save last night, sending the Dodgers to their fifth-straight loss and dropping them back to .500 for the season. Penny had his second consecutive rough outing and is currently sporting an ERA over 10.00 for the month of May. Not a good sign from a pitcher whose second-half splits have never been as good as the first. LA is currently 4.5 behind the Snakes and completely floundering (note: AJ entered as a pinch hitter in the 9th and had a great AB vs. Gagne, drawing a walk in the process. Private victory.)

Unrelated note--I ended up missing the 7th and 8th innings last night when the SB Police Department charged into the backyard of our neighbors' lot, kicked down the door of their ramshackle shed in the back and tazered some guy who had locked himself inside his "house". Jessica and I slapped some high-fives and are hoping for a repeat performance today.

More knee problems for Laker Nation

Our boy RK isn’t the only one in LaLa Land with knee troubles these days.
The Times reports Los Angeles Lakers center Andrew Bynum might have to undergo exploratory surgery on his sore left knee if it doesn’t feel any better in the next month or so.
Say it ain’t so ’Drew. The West Coast Rebel Alliance is counting on you to defeat the Evil Imperial Forces out of Boston or Detroit.
So Bynum is surely done for the playoffs, which keeps the pressure on Pau Gasol and the other Lakers big men to hold it down in the middle. Then again, the Lakers have been doing that fairly well since Bynum was sidelined in January and are unbeaten in the postseason.
As for RK, I was over at the house today and Laker fans everywhere will be happy to know he’s looking good after his knee surgery on Tuesday. I didn’t even have to help him to the bathroom, which was clutch. Hopefully he’ll be back posting soon, new ACL and all. That's his knee to the right by the way. Hope you weren't eating while reading.

Joe Buck and His High Horse School of Journalism

“Hi Class, thanks again for showing up to Lazy Journalism 101, I’m professor Joe Buck and our motto here is, “Beat that dead horse that nobody cares about until people start caring about it.” Let’s jump straight into this week’s dead horse story: OJ Mayo taking money from a shady agent’s rep. Who would like to comment on this story? Anyone? Anyone? Nobody wants to get fired up and worked up into a tizzy about this? Oh, I see a hand in the back there, Pat Forde, please share your thoughts.”

“Well, teach…it’s like this:

"When you recruit someone radioactive, you better have everything checked down to the smallest detail. Or else your program turns into Three Mile Island."

“Very well done, Mr. Forde. Equating a broke kid from middle-of-nowhere West Virginia whose mom didn’t have enough money to pay for a cell phone bill to a nuclear disaster is a great use of hyperbole and I commend you greatly. Who would like to piggyback on Mr. Forde’s statement?”

“Professor Buck?”

“Yes? Who are you? I’ve never seen you in this class before, Mr.--?”

“Yeah, it's BG and actually I was looking for the bathroom but I wanted to say that I don’t think anybody really cares about this story. Are we really supposed to be surprised? Didn’t SLAM Magazine write the whole ‘Mayo signing with SC thing seems fishy’ article like a year ago? This sort of thing happens all of the time.”

“You seem pretty sure of yourself, but how can you argue that this doesn’t compromise the integrity of the NCAA, the NBA and American society as we know it?”

“Seeing as how the NCAA makes billions of dollars off of these players, seeing as how their coaches make hundreds of thousands if not millions off of these players, why not pay them a stipend? Say $20,000 for each full scholarship? Then if they are still greedy and can’t keep their hands out of the cookie jar then slap them with a lifetime NBA ban. If I was OJ Mayo I probably would have held out for a hell of a lot more than a TV and a new iPhone.”

“You would make a terrible talking head and there’s no room for you in this class, get the hell out of here and please don’t trip over my soapbox on your way out the door. Class, please pay no attention to that man. There is always outrage to be found in every story. Now go out there and find it."

White guys love the assist

Yes it's true, white guys really do love the assist. For other things white guys love, go here, it's an absolute must but definitely check out #4. Dropping a dime is something we can do, it is something we can understand. You see, I can't relate to what LeBron did to KG last night unless you count the times I lowered the rim in my backyard to 8 1/2 feet and set my dad underneath the hoop and told him not to move and then just posterized the sh!t out of him. Yes, I did that many times, even to my mom. You have to understand my parents are the kind of people that just wanted to see their kids succeed even if was just in the backyard. Good people really. Any who, outside of Japanese women, there is nothing more exciting and easy to love for a white man then some pro dropping a dime. It's like, "hey wait, I might be able to do that." It's a great feeling to know that what Steve Nash is doing out there I might be able to recreate in my intramural league down at Cal Poly. Steve Nash has been my favorite player for some time now, really my favorite athlete of all time. We both share a lot of the same attributes: white, 6-foot something, slow, can't jump, but just find a way to get it done. The thing about Steve is he finds a way to get it done on the biggest stage to the tune of 2 MVPs and a truck load of All-Star Games. This is what is truly amazing about Nash, he takes my skill set and turns it into 2 MVPs. He really has no business dominating the way in which he does but he DOES. This is why I and all people alike should love this guy. He is us but just way better.

PS: I hope you went to the site about things white people like because it is good but I have one problem with it: Asian women came in at #11 and that is just flat out wrong. I know the site says "Things White People like" and not "Things White MEN like" but trust me, the attraction white men have for Asian ladies trumps all the other things that came in the top 10 of that list. Deep down inside every white man loves an Asian lady. You might not know it yet, but it's there, just look for it. Coming from a guy that lived in Japan, trust me when I tell you, once you go Japanese, you can never go back. That's me over there in heaven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote of the Day: Magic Johnson

We love Earvin “Magic” Johnson, but we had to raise question over his quote last night on the TNT postgame show following the Cleveland Cavaliers’ Game 4 victory over the Boston Celtics.
TNT producers got some chuckles when they showed a handful of embarrassing clips of former NBA stars Johnson, Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith.
The funniest clips were of the Magic Man’s talk show “The Magic Hour.” They also talked about Johnson’s short coaching stint, going 5-11 with the Los Angeles Lakers.

“Those are the two worst things I did in my life: coaching 16 games and The Magic Hour.”

Ummm, what about cheating on your wife with the groupie who gave you AIDS?

OK, that’s a low blow, because it is amazing Magic is still going strong. It’s been 17 years since he announced he had AIDS and retired from the game. Today, Johnson looks healthy as ever, as well or even better than Smith or Barkley. In fact, how fun would it be to watch those three guys play a little pickup game together?
Here’s a good piece from USA Today a couple years ago talking about Magic’s bout with AIDS, 15 years after his shocking announcement and retirement from the NBA.

Celtic Pride

Part of the recovery from ACL Knee surgery is keeping your knee iced and elevated while laying on the couch. Which means plenty of TV watching. I tried re watching last nights depressing game 4 between the Lakers and Jazz (on VHS, nice!) but couldn’t do it. I started feeiling ill and I don’t think it was the Vicodin that I am taking for the knee. But thanks to my boy BSlim who came by to check on me, I got some good stuff to watch: Gang Related, Tupac’s last movie, Kobe’s 81 (on VHS, nice!) and Celtic Pride.

After deliberating I went with Celtic Pride the classic nineties movie with Dan Aykroyd, Daniel Stern, and In Living Color legend Damon Wayans. If you haven’t seen it, see it. It is the comedic story of two crazed Celtics fans (Dan Aykroyd and Daniel Stern) kidnapping the best player in the NBA, Utah Jazz superstar Lewis Scott (Damon Wayans) during the NBA finals.

But it got me thinking that this lunatic plot line could happen. The Jazz have just squared up the series with the Lakers. The Spurs have done the same with the Hornets. This really is anybody’s series in the West. And the Celtics have a good chance to come out of the East. So a Celtics/Jazz series is not that far fetched. And I know some Celtics fans who would be just crazy enough to try such a kidnapping as Aykroyd and Stern. Who would the unfortunate Jazz player be? My money is on Deron Williams. The Celtics would have no chance of containing the muscular guard in a 7 game series. Rajon Rondo would have no chance to stop him. The guy is a beast on the drive. He’s got the body of D Fish with the slashing ability of Iverson. He would destroy the Celtics back court. Williams also has great court vision which was evident from the number of alley oops he set up on the Lakers last night.

If it is Celtics/Jazz in the finals and I was Jazz management, I would hire some extra security to watch Deron’s back through out the series. Celtics fans are that crazy.

LeBron's belated Mother's Day wish

O.J. Mayo’s mom got her Mother’s Day gift a day early.
LeBron James’ mom got her Mother’s Day shoutout a day late.
In case you missed it, that was indeed LeBron’s mom who got in the face of Paul Pierce when the Boston forward wrapped up LeBron on a layup attempt and the two went barreling into the stands tonight in the second quarter of the Cleveland Cavaliers' 88-77 Game 4 victory.
But instead of turning his anger toward Pierce or the Celtics, the Cleveland Cavaliers star went off on his poor moms (video here).

“Sit yo ass down!”

That's what BronBron barked at Gloria James as the players stumbled back toward the floor.
And TNT caught the whole scene and even replayed it at halftime.
Nice. Wonder what LeBron got her for Mother’s Day. A nice cup of shut the f---- up. Maybe a fresh can of whoopass.
Happy Mother's Day Mamma LeBron!
Then again, it’s not like Gloria LeBron is your model citizen.
A couple years ago, LeBron’s mom was arrested for driving while intoxicated, disorderly conduct and other charges, kicking out the back window of a cop car in the process.
Gloria James, come on down! You’re the next contestant on BG’s “Name That Criminal.”

One Man's Opinion--Online Sports Options

Unfortunately, we can't always be in front of a TV to watch our favorite team or our fantasy guys go. I know, I know, I don't like to think about it either but there are those terrible circumstances when it's just not possible. When I was little in the pre-ESPN days I would sit around listening to AM 920 because they had sports updates at :20 and :50 past the hour (I also used to keep score on 3"x5" index cards, too). Thanks to God and internet inventor Al Gore, we've come a long way since then and now have a venerable smorgasboard of options when it comes to following a game online. Today we're going to compare and contrast Yahoo!'s GameChannel, ESPN's GameCast, MLB's GameDay and CBS Sportsline's GameCenter.

Batting Leadoff:
ESPN GameCast
The World Wide Leader provides just about everything you'd want with the GameCast. As you can see here we've got Livan Hernandez already in a spot of trouble in the first, as Coco Crisp has laced a leadoff gapper for a double. ESPN is the only one of these four websites to provide a little baseball icon that gets batted around the pixelated field...really about as close as you can come to actually watching the game, at least from an offensive standpoint.



On Deck:
CBS GameCenter
While CBS lacks the batted ball feature that ESPN offers, it does a nice job of displaying pertinent information in a central manner (really prefer their page layout to ESPN's) and also offers a hot/cold zone for each batter (mental note: check CBS hot/cold zone for Andruw Jones then giggle for 5 minutes). No real complaints except for maybe the generic batter image...I think that guy might play in my rec softball league.



In the Hole:
MLB GameDay
If you have a fantasy pitcher going, GameDay is the place to be. Go on ahead and take a look at the sheer amount of info they give you for that Cliff Lee fastball. Release? Check. Speed? Check. Pitch FX and direction of movement? Check and double check. After a noteworthy play MLB also offers video highlights immediately, which is also greatly appreciated.





In the Ditch:
Yahoo! GameChannel
Despite the fact that they have hands-down the least bells and whistles on their site, I probably spend more time on Yahoo!'s deal than either of the three above, since I primarily use Yahoo! for my fantasy leagues. GameChannel lacks both a detailed pitch analysis and hitter's information as well. Essentially you just get the basics, it's quick and easy and something you can go to get an update but vastly inferior to just about everything else (including the radio).

So there you have it. There are other sites out there, including FoxSports WhateverIt'sCalled but it didn't look too different from Yahoo!'s so I'm not going to bother with it. We've come a long ways since the AM 920 days and I couldn't be any happier.

Dodgers have no O; Officially Change Name to "Ddgers"

Big John Broxton got his ass handed to him today and the Ddgers wasted a great start by Kuroda and suffered a sweep at the hands of the Astros. Broxton allowed a whopping six runs in 1/3 of an inning (he had allowed a total of 3 runs on the season) and the Astros plated 6 in the top of the 8th, sending the Ddgers to their fourth consecutive loss. Sure was a lot more fun when we were winning, huh?

The Ddger offense was virtually nonexistent against a Houston staff that is far from spectacular, scoring only six runs over the three game set (2 of those coming in garbage time this afternoon). So is the Astro staff that good or the Ddger bats that bad? Sadly, I think it's the latter. Without Furcal and his 169 OPS+ (out with discomfort in his back) there is a huge, ugly, gaping hole at the top of the lineup. 3.5 games behind Arizona, who suddenly are mortal.

Happy Mother's Day Mrs. Mayo

Alisha Mayo isn’t the only one receiving gifts this Mother’s Day.
Over the holiday weekend, her son O.J. Mayo received some not-so-good publicity from EastSidePN about gifts he allegedly received while attending USC his freshman year.
First Reggie Bush, now O.J. is finding himself in hot water over gifts he reportedly received as a Trojan.
Why isn’t this a surprise?
Division I college athletes have been receiving gifts for decades, especially at big-time college programs like USC. (I have a friend who played Division I water polo at a much smaller university who used to receive unmarked packages filled with money years ago, so you could only imagine what gifts basketball and football players might receive at a BCS program).
This is just one more “con” for the NBA’s 19-year-old draft rule, which forces should-be professional athletes to go the amateur route for one year despite the fact that many of the one-and-dones have little regard for NCAA rules and regulations and in turn cripple their college programs long after they’re gone.
USC men’s basketball program has already been sanctioned for failing to meet the APR standards, they have huge shoes to fill now that Mayo has declared for the draft, now they could be facing even bigger problems .

Mule K'ing

If Travis Hafner's nickname is PRONK and Adam Dunn is known as the DONKEY, I suggest Ryan Howard go by the name of THE MULE. Why you ask? Well he kinda looks like a mule but ask any fantasy owner what they think of him this year and you will probably hear something with a lot of cuss words and insults so I think THE MULE is actually quite nice considering the alternatives. I have been calling Mr. Howard THE MULE so much recently that even close personal friends are catching on. In a recent interview the Phillies coach, Charlie Manual, was asked what he thought was wrong with Ryan Howard and he responded, "Don't worry about The Mul....I mean, Ryan, he will bounce back, a lot of great players go through a minor slump." You see, even Howard's coach almost let it slip. They guy has K'd 52 times this year, he is on pace to shatter his own record of 199 strikeouts in one season. This guy is a gal damn MULE. Anyways, I was recently reading an article on philly.com about what is wrong with The MULE. Here is a bit of what was said about THE MULE and his struggles:

He's not swinging at strikes. He's chasing bad balls," Manuel said. "He's not following the ball. He's not staying on it. He's swinging too early and missing it by a lot." Manuel said Howard's problems are part mental and part physical.

"It's mental," Schmidt said. "But what you go through leads to physical problems. Instead of waiting and trying to smoke that ball right out of the catcher's mitt, you lose your sense of how to do that.

"I'm sure Ryan's mind is playing some tricks on him. You miss balls you should be driving, and you get frustrated. It's tough to figure out how to get it back."

"With Ryan, you're seeing his right shoulder fly out. His swing is probably a smidge more of an uppercut than it usually is, and his hands might be coming forward a little too soon. It's tough to generate power when that happens."

He's got to stay back and trust his hands. He just doesn't trust his hands right now. He's jumping out there on everything. He's not waiting on the ball. He's flying out.

"I think a lot of it is the [infielders'] shift, too. He knows they're going to pitch him inside, so he's trying to be quick.

So basically all THE MULE has to do is, trust his hands, stay back, wait on the pitch, start swinging at better pitches, stop letting his right shoulder fly out, have less of an uppercut, keep his hands from coming forward, stop jumping at the ball, and convince the other team to stop employing the infield shift. Thats it. Fantasy owners should feel at ease now.

That over there is THE MULE taking a dump before he hits.

WCBias Proudly Announces Special Guest Blogger Andruw Jones! This Segment AKA Notes From Hell

Hi guys, Andruw here. Just wanted to update you really quickly on a few notes from the past week. First of all, I should let you know that I'm not actually typing this because, as you all know, I am totally and completely blind. I'm dictating this to our bat boy Hector, who is also in charge of cutting my food into small, bite-sized pieces after the game. You're probably wondering how I'm able to still play decent in the field despite my total lack of sight...well, you know how bats and dolphins use magic to know where food is? It's pretty much like that.

Secondly, I'm going to be checking in every weekend with my stats from the previous week, as well as any high/low lights that I feel are noteworthy. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, we've got a game here in a few hours and I need to see if Joe's got me playing today. Franky McCourt just bought a new Braille machine for the clubhouse, so I'm pretty excited about that.

My stats from Saturday May 3rd to Saturday May 10th:
3 hits in 14 trips to the plate, 2 Runs, 0 HR, 0 RBI, 0 SB, .313 OBP
Season Numbers:
HR: 1, RBI: 4, OBP: .279
Current OPS+ = 43 (League average OPS+ is 100)
Current VORP= -6.1 (The Dodgers have eight PITCHERS with higher batting VORP than AJ! EIGHT!!)
AJ in the media:
Courtesy of Keith Law of Scouts, Inc/ESPN:

Rob, Baltiimore: Do you see anything wrong with Andruw Jones?

Keith Law: He's out of shape, his bat is slow, and he plays like he's on quaaludes. Other than that, he's fine.

It's time to play NAME THAT CRIMINAL

Today's clues:
* Was once knocked out by Little Mac
* Would probably enjoy eating your children
* One of these days probably will fade into Bolivia

Answer:
Go here and enter TYSON and NEVADA into the search field. Priceless.

Dodgers Lose to Flight of the Conchords

If you haven't seen HBO's Flight of the Conchords then I feel sorry for you. After watching the Dodgers get reamed for a few innings last night I figured enough was enough and threw in Season 1, Disc 1 and laughed my ass off. With lines like:

Jemaine: Man, back in New Zealand I was getting it on with lots of chicks.
Bret: Who?
Jemaine: Well, ah, Sarah Fitzpatrick, Michelle Fitzpatrick, Claire Fitzpatrick... the list goes on.
Bret: That was all of them.
Jemaine: Well, triple figures.
Bret: No, that's not triple figures. That's three.

How can you possibly go wrong? Of course, watching just about anything would have been preferable to the absolute mockery that was last night's game; a matchup that saw Brian Moehler get his first win since 2006 and Derek Lowe fail to make it through the 5th inning. The boys are currently 3.5 games behind the Snakes and desperately in need of another strong effort from
Billingsley tonight.

Down goes Sexson! Down goes Sexson!

Seattle Mariners “slugger” Richie Sexson was suspended six games by MLB on Friday for his helmet-throwing incident Thursday night.
That’s right, the 6-foot-8, 240-pound Sexson charged the mound (here's video) and threw his hat at Rangers pitcher Kason Gabbard after the left-hander offered up a little chin music in the fourth inning of a 5-0 victory over the Mariners.
The benches cleared but no punches were thrown — just a plastic Rawlings lid in the direction of the Rangers’ 6-3, 200-pound southpaw.
Which begs the question: who would’ve won an NHL-style brawl had Sexson not been a pansy and actually thrown a punch?

Tale of the tape:

KASON GABBARD Position: LHP Size: 6-3, 200 Age: 26 Birth place: Oxford, Ohio Season: 2nd Salary: $396,390

RICHIE SEXSON Position: 1B Size: 6-8, 240 Age: 33 Birth place: Portland, Ore. Season: 11th Salary: $15,500,000

Fight Analysis:
With that size, reach and enough pop to run into 300 career bombs, you’d have to label Sexson the favorite -- especially since he's a West Coast guy. The 6-8 Sexson actually pinned Gabbard to the ground during Thursday’s scuffle, injuring the pitcher’s leg and forcing him to leave the game.
Then again, with a .209 average and 36 strikeouts in 33 games, the 15.5-million dollar man might have a hard time connecting against the crafty no-name left-hander, who comes in making $396,000 but is unbeaten at 1-0 with a 1.85 ERA in five appearances.

And the winner is:
Gabbard in a monumental upset, stunning Sexson —who whiffed on a sweeping right — with a jab to the chin followed by two big left hands that put the helmet hucker out cold on the canvas.

Credit Where Credit Is Due

So he's still winless on the season and boasts a VORP lower than Andruw Jones (!) but we at the Dub-C Bias would like recognize (belatedly, sorry Barry) Barry Zito's not-quite-quality-but-not-that-bad-either start on May 7th. Over 5 innings BZ held the Pirates to a pair of runs on a jack by X Nady and was, for the most part, effective. Sure, the Giants lost the game but that's not too shabby for a guy who the ever conservative (and truly amazing) Buster Olney wrote in his blog from Wednesday:

"Makes you wonder if what the Giants really wanted to do was keep Zito from making his next start in front of the displeased home folks."

Not a bad call, Buster. Still, 5 innings, 2 ER never looked so good.